Monday, September 12, 2011

Friday, September 2, 2011

Please the Parents

No one eats up a snarky/adult "men are from Mars and women are from Venus" adult genre joke more than a crustless mom. Try taking her interest away from House Hunters or Hoda and Kathy (depending on time of day) and crack this one:

"At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?' The other replied, 'Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."

Remember, the more Viagra references, the better, and closer you are to being invited out to PF Chang's with the family (where someone is bound to call appetizers "apps"). Of course, crustless dads love to joke about how much money their wives spend so you might play both sides and get a sleepover (hopefully in a deluxe basement with a grossly large DVD collection that includes every romantic comedy with Jennifer Aniston and every movie with a talking animal or baby)

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Back from the journey

Hey gang,

Sorry there hasn't been much posted here in the past week or so.  We have been hard at work rekindling relationships with our sister company.  During our recent gatherings, we came up with a comprehensive online yummy book for all to enjoy.  The company's website and yummy book can be seen  HERE.  

It was quite a journey getting over to the sister company's HQ in our mini-van.  But lucky for us, one of the gals from the troops brought this nifty lil' card game in her fanny pack: 

Thanks for reminding us of our favorite crustless games, Ian! I have a bowl of SpaghettiOs with your name spelled in it - come get it!

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Spreading awareness

Crustless families everywhere are taking the streets with a bold and salient message that states: "I have a family!  And if you don't believe me, then why else would I go to Michaels to find these stickers for the back of my car?"

Or in case you would like to inform everyone that you are a peaceful and loving family...say it in sandals.

Have the urge to show people things you like while you drink beverages?

Well then curl up in your giant leather couch, grab a bud light lime and pour it in to one of these!

In the odd event that your beer might spill out of the cups, good news!  Now you can buy new carpet.  And what crustless home doesn't honor the comforting feeling of running around on fresh new carpet in their socks?  

Friday, July 22, 2011


Crustless people know that 'fine art' is essential to a good home, so they buy things like this for their dining rooms:

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Wacky Weather

Sometimes the weather for the day never turns out to be exactly what the news station said it was supposed to be.  The weather man says 75 degrees and rainy, but it ends up being 90 and sunny.  Or maybe it switches back in forth between the two.  And so the task of dressing appropriately for the entire day can be a bit tricky. Luckily for The Crustless, this is never much of a problem.  Toward the late 1990s, crustless people invented "zip-off" pants to help cope with temperamental temperatures.

Gang- don't forget to buy the matching one-size-fits-all belt!

Monday, July 18, 2011


Frequently Asked Questions

*update: reader Agatha S. shed some further insight on the difference between white trash and The Crustless on question #2.

Q: I think I might be a little crustless.  Is that a bad thing?
A: No! Being crustless is neither good or bad.  It's just a different way of doing things that are often extremely hilarious and worth making fun of.  Sometimes crustless things are quite great.  For example, have you ever tried a ham-n-cheese sam which?  Da - lish  - us.  

Q: Are crustless people just basically "white trash"?
A: No, The Crustless are not "white trash." The Crustless have a greater sense of pride and responsibility in their homes despite the rather bland setting of their suburban neighborhoods.  Suburbs lack developed greenery, so The Crustless make up for their lack of access to nature with hot tubs in back yards, sponge painted vines, and cheesy therapeutic water features.  While many of these things lack flavor, that is absolutely not their intention.  White trash people also lack flavor, but the justification for such behavior is usually based on financial circumstances.   

Q: I'm a "minority."  Can I be considered crustless?
A: A crustless sandwhich is equally palatable by all races and ethnicities.  Because the ability to live in a suburb is not usually determined by your race or ethnicity, nor are the chances of you becoming crustless.  

Q: Are crustless people only found in the subrubs?
A: Generally speaking, yes.  However, crustless behavior can carry over into any environment.  Also, just because you live in a suburb, that does not immediately make you crustless.  

Q: Is defining someone as crustless an example of stereotyping?
A: Pass.

More FAQs to be posted as they come about...

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Outings made easy.

Going for a stroll in the mall?  A walk on the town?  Or just a quick run to the frozen yogurt store?  We all know these tasks aren't so simple with kids.  How can one keep their child safe and within close supervision during such outings?  There is only one solution: 

The child harness, aka 'kid keeper'

Thanks for the tip Anais A.!  Now go enjoy a "baggie" full of Goldfish!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Vacation time!

Heading down to Mexico, the Dominican Republic, or a Sandals All Inclusive Caribbean Vacation Resort?  Well then don't forget to get your hair braided!

Thanks for the tip Anais A.! Come find me at Se├▒or Frogs, body shots are on me, hehe.